


We don't need memories (But I need you)

by TheFlamingo013



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Assistant coach Hinata, Break Up Talk, Childhood Friends, Hopeful Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Make-outs, Memory Loss, Not Beta Read, OsaHina endgame, fast paced story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:08:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27545125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFlamingo013/pseuds/TheFlamingo013
Summary: “You’re a coward, Miya Osamu.” This time he says it with resignation and a hint of bitterness.“I know.”
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Miya Osamu
Comments: 10
Kudos: 92





	We don't need memories (But I need you)

**Author's Note:**

> The only thing I hate about the OsaHina pair is that THERE IS BARELY ENOUGH OF IT! MORE PLEASE AHAAHHA 
> 
> So here we have another rare pair inspired by that tiktok trend where the POV's about losing your memories of your previous boyfriend and having conflicting ones with your current. From then I could definitely picture Hinata mistaking Kageyama for another one black-haired boy with somewhat blue eyes back from Hyogo. Plus I also love OsaHina so-
> 
> Recommending this song for this fic : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-WmbZFn72A
> 
> Warnings: Confusing af and Slightly OOC, especially for the case of Hinata Shouyou. In this fic, growing up under the wing of another volleyball idiot and playing in a middle school powerhouse made him more accustomed to the sport. He has sharpened game senses and I wanted to characterize him as someone who could assess players like Momoi Satsuki from KnB. 
> 
> With that said, Happy reading and Enjoy!

Hinata Shouyou was a hundred percent sure that some entity was out there, hell-bent to make his every toilet encounter a haunting nightmare purely for its sick entertainment. This was big news for a logical and non-superstitious person such as himself. 

And it didn’t even make sense; he wasn’t even a volleyball player ~~anymore~~!

Sure he was considered to be ‘brain’ of the team- the freshmen, student assistant coach who orchestrated the synchronized attack that bought down Ushijima Wakatoshi’s reign within Miyagi Prefecture. But they were exaggerated rumors for in truth it was a technique handed down by the legendary Coach Ukai himself, only polished by the current coach his grandson and improved with Hinata’s calculating data. Yet they had somehow painted him as a tangerine gremlin that would devour any unfortunate player it lays its predatory eyes upon. This time, the rumors had certainly outdone itself from Tokyo to Hyogo, leaving Hinata to wonder whatever did they conjure up next? 

For if they truly wanted to size up their competition, then they should’ve approached Kageyama instead. Not that he was throwing his boyfriend under the bus or anything, but because Hinata was sure that Kageyama could fend them off with a sinister smile or use a painful choice of words fit for a tyrant king that could put anyone in their place. Plus, he was a pretty well-known setter who made it to Japan’s Youth Camp so-

So pray to tell, did Inarizaki’s #11 wanted to kill him too? Because he’d have to get in line since Oikawa and Kuroo had already called dibs when they once threatened to bury him alive and that was on two separate occasions.

Now Hinata didn’t hastily come up with this conclusion. Logic ruled his mind over his heart after all. But four peculiar meetings with one aberrant Miya Osamu had gotten his gears turning and the warning sirens ringing in his head. The first time was purely coincidental, yet questionable as to why would someone from Hyogo would bother watching the Miyagi Spring Tournament Qualifiers live than waiting for its video. Karasuno, or Hinata and Takeda-sensei specifically, weren’t exactly shy trading tapes with their opponents so why did Inarizaki’s #11 take a five hours trip to see it in person?

Hinata would never forget that day when their hands touched in favor of the last Torigomoku onigiri. A typical shoujo manga would’ve depicted the scene as love at first sight- their cheeks blooming in crimson and suddenly everything and everyone around them fades in the background. That the soft brush of their fingers would unknowingly tie a red string connected at the ends of their pinkies- 

But none of the sorts happens. Instead, it ended up in a heated tug-of-war that resulted in a waste of food splattered across the linoleum floor. Hinata shrieked, Miya Osamu lets out a pained howl and the stall owner made them pay twice the price for causing a ruckus.

“Well, Karasuno’s never made it this far in years, let alone face-off with Miyagi’s powerhouse,” Takeda-sensei assured him that day, right after buying him a consolation banana. The fruit tasted like ash ~~, like Miya Osamu’s dyed-hair~~ , in his mouth as Hinata aggressively chomps it away.

The second time they’ve met was the entrance staircase of Tokyo Metropolitan Gymnasium where both found themselves separated from their teammates. Hinata had reasonable grounds as to why he has gotten lost seeing as it was their first time to attend the Nationals stage whereas Miya Osamu had none since he had obviously been there before. Unless he had a poor sense of direction? 

“… Ya need my help?”

And of course he doesn't. 

Hinata pointedly ignored him at first, still annoyed from their previous encounter but gave up when the silver-haired player kept tagging along at a safe distance, bristling every time they pass the same corridor over and over again.

“Yes please.” He finally relents, making the other grin widely. It was only then that Hinata’s annoyance immediately faded into something else- an indescribable feeling mix with fondness and ache. 

He eventually gets back to Karasuno with Coach Ukai one step away from the announcement booth for lost children. Hinata tells his team off, unaware of Kageyama's boring jealous eyes at the fox who delivered him safely.

The third and the fourth encounters were more tolerable on Hinata’s expense as he dumps a plastic bag full of konbini bought onigiris of different flavors, for he didn’t know what the older boy liked, after Inarizaki’s first win of the day.

The rest of the fox team was looking at him with astonishment, the other Miya shocked that his mouth could catch flies and their captain amused.

Miya Osamu however, was a blushing mess. “Is this my congratulatory reward?”

Hinata huffs. “It’s only the first day, Miya-san. We’ll beat you tomorrow.” And leaves.

Karasuno wins their match and lo and behold, Inarizaki’s #11 slyly leaves him a Marugoto Hanjyuku Ni Tamago flavored onigiri secretly tucked in his bag with a note attached to it. _–Not if we beat you first._

It was petty. Incredibly petty yet Hinata found himself smiling as he takes a huge bite out of the rice ball. Eggs were his favorite ingredient of the meal.

He stops counting how many times they’ve met up afterward, even at a two-day interval because it was a small world despite the enormous stadium that housed them in. More often they would eat together than talk, bodies slumped against the nearest vacant pillar they could find and sit there for hours until a raging boyfriend and a rumbustious twin in that order would haul them back. 

Today, however, was the long-awaited yet never mentioned match between their teams. A fallen murder of crows versus the skulk of cunning foxes. 

Miya Osamu was waiting outside the restroom as if he was just casually standing in there than a man on a classified mission waiting for the prime opportunity to slit his throat.

This is why Hinata Shouyou could proudly conclude that this was THE moment- where the fox was either going to threaten to kill him or plainly, just kill him.

‘Bring it on!’ his mind screamed, immediately assessing the player in front of him from head to toe- height roughly at six feet and weighing a hundred sixty plus pounds; he had the proper attributes and built of a wing spiker who had been executing the perfect forms to accommodate his twin’s brutal tosses. His hair was obviously dyed but a good choice to complement those tantalizing, blue gray orbs in contrast to his milky skin-

“Are ya checkin’ me out, Hinata-kun?” Miya Osamu says with a hint of amusement and a raised eyebrow which instantly reduces Hinata to a sputtering mess.

Most people had always felt creeped out by his methodological ~~blatant staring~~ assessment, and Kageyama had boyfriend rights to bluntly tell him this after he had unconsciously rated Ushijima’s stats. Joke’s on his boyfriend though, it was his ‘creepy eyes’ that gave them the data to beat Shiratorizawa.

“W-wait- no- I wasn’t-!”

Osamu didn’t bother to stifle his laugh and that sound alone made Hinata’s heart jump.

“I’m flattered.”

Wow, incredibly full of himself for someone with a lazy expression etched on his face. The frantic beating of his heart started to hurt.

  
“Is there anything I can help you with, Miya-san?” He says and for a moment, he thought he saw Osamu flinch. Come think of it, they’ve never addressed each other with their names. Should Hinata have used a different suffix? 

“I just wanted to know how yer doing.”

Now it was Hinata’s turn to raise a questioning brow at him. “Why?”

Osamu shrugged but didn’t answer; instead, he asks “Are ya happy?”

The conversation was starting to get more awkward, granted it had been from the start and Hinata just wanted it over with. Was this a new form of harassment? How to throw their rivals off their game? “… yeah. I guess I am.”

“Good.” With that Inarizaki’s #11 left him confused. No more onigiris or enigmatic smiles. 

* * *

_“Are ya truly happy? Leaving **me** , leaving **us** for this ridiculous choice of yours to prove something so insignificant that ya seem to hold higher than our-?!”_

_A harsh slap. His heart hurts more than the sting of his palm._

_“… I guess you are.”_

* * *

Hinata gets back to his team just in time for the next match. Fortunately, he didn’t get lost. Unfortunately, he came back with a throbbing migraine and an unexpected nosebleed. Osamu’s laughter, a bitter one he had never known yet somehow does, continued to ring in his ears.

“You dumbass!” Kageyama was immediately in his space, snatching the medicine kit from Yachi as he aggressively fusses over his boyfriend’s minor injury. “Did you hit your head or something? Or is it the heat-?”

“Calm down.” He gives a swift kiss over the setter’s forehead, earning a few whistles from their teammates and a gagging noise from Tsukishima. “Just a headache. Now go out there and be menacing, else your rival setter would think you’re some sort of goody-two-shoes again.”

On cue, their eyes meet with the Inarizaki team who were whispering amongst themselves, probably stunned by the Karasuno couple’s public display of affection. Hinata would’ve assumed they were judgmental homophobes if not for the fact that their captain and ace were also in a relationship. 

Kageyama then leaves for the line-up, muttering why he even bothered to be worried for the assistant coach despite the crimson blooming in his cheeks. He peeks over his shoulders and Hinata blows him a kiss, prompting him to blush harder.

He doesn’t see the blond Miya wrinkling his nose in disgust.

The match begins and their plan was to go all out and wear Ojiro Aran down. Hinata has given everyone a copy of the Inarizaki data he spent weeks cultivating video from video. He had noted each player’s strength and expects his team to figure the rest out and properly utilize their weakness in return.

In eight seconds after the first whistle blows, Miya Osamu will serve at a deadly speed. It took two tries before Noya finally managed to adapt to his strength. Chance ball.

Coach Ukai grins and slaps Hinata’s back with glee. Takeda-sensei scolds him while the assistant coach coughs the pain out. He still had a bloody tissue up his nose, damn it.

Then blue gray eyes were looking at him. This time there was no mirth of confusion or hints of amusement, just blank. As if he was compartmentalizing him just as Hinata did earlier.

Hinata shuddered.

“He’s been staring an awful lot, don’t you think so?” Yachi Hitoka was a fellow freshman roped into Karasuno’s volleyball club blinded by Shimizu’s ethereal beauty. While she didn’t know much about the sport and was clumsy to the boot, not that Hinata had much room to talk, she was hardworking. And incredibly observant too.

Which means that Osamu wasn’t subtle with his staring anymore.

“Did you ever played with them before?”  
“Huh?”

“Back in middle school, I mean. It seems that the majority of their players were alumni from Yako Junior High too.”

“Oh.”

Oh, because he doesn’t remember. It was no secret that Hinata was originally from Hyogo, had played in a powerhouse team in his junior year, and would’ve continued to do so if not for the injury he had attained sometime later after his last school match.

His memories were a blur and could only pick up the fact that he was a player for Yako Middledschool in Hyogo, maybe made friends with some of them too, but couldn’t exactly confirm it as no one really visited him in the hospital. Hinata at that time had felt so lonely and overwhelmed during his days in isolated recovery that his therapist suggested he start anew instead. Get rid of the lingering yet unknown attachments and create new memories.

This is why he had moved to Miyagi and signed up to be an assistant volleyball coach instead.

The entire club was initially reluctant given that the boy was an embodiment of both sunshine and enigma but Hinata had proved his credibility from time to time in every match they participated in. While he knew that he couldn’t play volleyball like he used to, Hinata still made his terrifying presence known off the court. Though there were some occasions where he could still execute his forms properly, having played a middle blocker position despite his height until a particular fast set ended up in a fight with Kageyama. He calls the setter an emotionally-stunted tyrant who has no ounce of empathy while the other a wasteful coward.

Something about that insult triggered a panic attack in him, but Hinata swallowed it down and lunged at the raven head setter instead. They screamed and shouted at each other, openly cried, and exchange a few blows but in the end traded their pride for love. So perhaps Hinata’s life wasn’t a complete tragedy after all.

But Miya Osamu’s brief yet constant presence was making it complicated.

Before he could answer Yachi however, his instincts lit up like a Christmas tree at the curve of the speeding ball in their direction. In a flash, Hinata was down on his knees to dig up a power serve. It was in the air for eight agonizing long seconds where Hinata’s eyes were blinded by the stadium light and then-

_“What the heck was that? Ya could’ve killed him ~~‘Tsumu~~!” _

_~~‘Tsumu~~_ _darts his tongue out, unapologetic and all. “That’s all ya could pick up from this? He perfectly received it!”_

_He was laughing. He was in the ground with scraped knees and aching legs, having done this over and over again until he got it right._

_“Shouyou-kun you-_

“HINATA BOKE!”

Kageyama’s voice snaps him out of his trance, realizing what he had done.

* * *

“What was that?” Tsukishima ignores drinking his water and wasting his precious rest seconds in favor of scrutinizing the assistant coach's behavior instead.

Hinata however, just shrugged. “An accident, obviously. And it doesn’t matter! The ball struck outside the line, bounced twice, and was about to hit us. What else was I supposed to do?”

“Really? You think that’s what I’m asking?”

“Tsukki-

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.” It was just the first set, won by Inarizaki with their points pathetically earned while adjusting their team play while the other half from their opponents’ mistakes. Everyone was on edge and Hinata decided to change tactics. “You’re asking me to commit block on their #11 when we should be focusing on their ace, just as planned.”

Hinata was no stranger to them questioning his methods but this was the first time in the entire Spring Nationals Tsukishima has done so. He admits that his plans, while calculated, were sometimes too risky or just downright impossible to do, needing a pair of higher skill levels and a miracle in the mix. But commit blocking wasn't exactly an impossible task for the snarky blond so Hinata doesn't understand what the problem was. “… What are you saying?”

“I’m seeing unresolved tension here.”

“Oh? So you think I’m being personal?”

Tsukishima’s face conforms to the most hideous, pitying smile he had ever seen. “I don’t think. I know.”

Hinata’s claws were immediately on him until Kageyama held the rest of his body back and others with the pale blond, middle blocker.

**“Shut yer goddamn trap, ya scrub-!”**

Their eyes widened and Hinata immediately had a handclasp on his mouth. The accent, Kansai-ben that took him a year to suppress, was out. Not even on casual occasions where Sugawara’s tried to teasingly coax him to talk with his natural accent worked yet Tsukishima was able to so just by riling him up.

Hinata was a master of his mind, always opting to replace his old memories with court strategies instead, but never his emotions. 

“Hinata-kun, sit this out.” He doesn’t bother to protest when Takeda-sensei gathers their players at a safe distance away from him, briefing them for the next set. Shimizu pats his back and draws lazy circles in his back for comfort. For a moment it worked, but then Miya Osamu’s eyes were on him again.

They looked concerned.

Normally this would’ve agitated Hinata to no end and prompt him to stomp across the court and demand what the heck does Inarizaki’s #11 want from him? But that wasn’t him. He was Hinata sunshine-incarnate Shouyou. He was the literal personification of the sun, anything warm and orange and everything annoying combined in one small built and obnoxious colored hair.

So instead he exhales the anger out of him slowly before joining the team once more despite Yachi’s protest.

“They’ll be bringing their captain out on the next set,” he says. “Do not underestimate Kita Shinsuke. His game sense is above average. Even if we break their defense, he is more than capable to bring it right back up and stronger.”

Kageyama grins. “What do you suppose we do then?”

* * *

_“Ya see Shouyou-kun, the trick to breaking their wall of defense is to aim for who is most likely to crumble at the back row. Because even if some tall bastards are out there to block your spike, the ones behind them are always a step ahead of ya, ready to pick up the front’s mistakes.”_

_Hinata nods eagerly as he soaks up his ~~childhood~~ ~~best friend~~ ~~senpai~~ teammate’s words. “Wise words from someone who screwed up the second set. Need I remind ya that we almost lost today.” _

_“Shut up, ~~‘Samu~~! We don’t even need ya here if yer not gonna appreciate our volleyball briefing.”_

_He rolled his eyes at the two suspiciously huddled at the corner of the gym as if their tactics held the secrets of the universe._

_“Ya call it briefing, but in truth yer just bragging so Shouyou-kun will shower you with compliments to inflate yer ego.” His_ _stern expression immediately melted into a fond one. “And I’d like to have my boyfriend back, please. I believe I was promised a date if we won this match.”_

 _~~‘Tsumu~~_ _gags while he giggles._

_“I love you too, ~~‘Sa~~ \- _

* * *

It goes accordingly to plan that he and Coach Ukai exhaled the breath they didn’t know they were holding. 

They pulled through. They took the second set back. Kita Shinsuke may not be the typical athlete they were used to encountering but he was definitely a handful. Fortunately, Hinata’s plan to widen the growing crack in their wall of defense by agitating their libero worked. 

Hinata blatantly ignores the younger Miya in favor of appreciating his boyfriend instead. Dark, ~~inky black~~ raven hair, sharp blue ~~gray~~ eyes, and a painted ~~lazy smile~~ hungry smirk as Kageyama execute two consecutive service aces. The third time Inarizaki had managed to pick up but their defense was crumbling.

Fortunately, Kageyama’s form wasn’t. 

Ennoshita tells him to wipe the drool off the corner of his mouth while Hinata rolls his eyes and sticks his tongue out in response. 

But in the back of Hinata’s traitorous mind was the fact he couldn’t stop comparing the two. One moment it was Kageyama running towards the ball to perform a toss, and then his head would throb and replace the scene with another boy spiking from another setter. Kageyama would look at him, all smug and perfectly handsome, then it would wash up to face- more chiseled with a reserved yet expectant expression. 

The memory would be over in a flash, leaving a residue of the earlier migraine threatening to resurface with vengeance.

His mother had once told him not to bother remembering as it was taking a toll on his mental health. For while he was grateful that the accident didn’t take his body’s mobility away, it left a huge imprint of trauma in it. There were times where he blacked out from the stress of it and one occasion, dangerously so if not for Nekoma’s setter finding him at a crossroad. So he never attempted to recover what wasn’t exactly a painful loss.

But if Kageyama and somehow Miya Osamu or anything Hyogo were triggering his memories of another boy with dark hair and blue eyes, then it must be really important.

Hinata then debated and calculated the risk. On one hand, it will satisfy his curiosity and get his trauma over with so he could focus on the present game. On the other, it could possibly be something worth forgetting- an unpleasant occurrence that was better off buried at depths of his mind. 

The umpire blows a whistle to signal Inarizaki calling for their first time out and Hinata was already on his feet for a team hustle. No doubt the foxes were planning to counter and Hinata couldn’t afford to give them the chance.

They’ve decided to make Tsukishima commit block Miya Osamu.

The intention was to add pressure but when the wing spiker had started to move in a very familiar pattern did Hinata, for the first time since Spring Nationals, wish they hadn’t listened to him.

For someone with barely any presence in the court, Inarizaki’s #11 was acting like a decoy. He would start off with a gaze on his opponent, immediately catching their eye for even a fraction of a second before luring them away to whom his brother was going to toss. His movements weren’t loud but suspicious enough to work. To Karasuno, it was annoying to fall for it twice then thrice while Hinata was too shaken to think of a remedy to the problem.

The memory flashes were now longer than the ones he had earlier. 

It wasn’t the black-haired boy this time but him- Hinata Shouyou, Yako Junior High’s #10 middle blocker. The shortest player of Hyogo Prefecture. Obnoxious orange hair and hunger-driven eyes that could lure anyone into his space. The ultimate decoy-

Hinata tries to blink the memory out. He doesn’t want to regret anything and especially not now, for no matter what glory days he has lived, he needed to remind himself that they were over. 

But Miya Osamu was really starting to grate his nerves because he was looking at him with concern again, this time mixed with pity. Hinata finally meets his eyes to show defiance but found his traitorous heart-hurting instead.

“Are you okay?” the silver-haired player mouths to which the coach assistant found himself nodding in assurance before looking away, letting the wing spiker focus on his game. He didn’t need to give Kageyama another reason to be jealous and since he couldn’t find himself looking at his team’s mess, jeweled beryl stared at Inarizaki’s banner instead. Four letters in a sentence that was as arrogant as its-

_“We don’t need memories.” He once told Hinata. “But I need you.”_

Hinata sprints to the restroom, feeling the bile clamoring out of his throat.

* * *

_Spring in Hyogo was breathtaking._

_The tale was told through the lens of jeweled beryl eyes from a small, sun-kissed child with orange locks and sunny smiles who ventured into the sunflower field hours too long from daybreak to dawn._

_He had hoped to meet the deity- a kind-hearted fox that resided there._

_The myriad of bright colors had successfully hidden him away from the world, blending his person as if the grassy expanse were an extension of his body. His laughter echoed through the maze of sunflowers and into the air, picked up by a pair of twin foxes._

_They were his soulmates- The older one with warm amber eyes and golden smile his best friend, and the other the love of his life._

_They had promised to spend the rest of their lives together. From the wondrous spring in the sunflower fields, the hot summer at their backyard with watermelons and a volleyball net to the bountiful autumn and biting cold winter._

_The sun-kissed child didn’t break those promises, but he forgot._

* * *

Miya Atsumu- the blond and older twin, Inarizaki’s #7's snarky and best-ranked setter of their division was his best friend.

He couldn’t believe it. Miya Atsumu had come off a jerk with his patronizing remarks against Kageyama back at Youth Camp and before the match, which by boyfriend extension irked Hinata. He instantly became number one on the assistant coach’s hit list. Yet years back at Hyogo and he was Hinata’s person- both were loud and obnoxious, always roughhousing and coming home with bruises and scraped knees. 

Then there was Miya Osamu, a softer yet stern and gluttonous version of his brother. Although society failed to recognize that he was much more a menace than Atsumu and Hinata combined because he was more subtle in his devious ways. But most importantly, he was Hinata’s childhood sweetheart. The two had caught on feelings that were beyond the lines of platonic love, both scared of admitting them aloud until the eldest of the trio had literally pushed them in the same direction.

The next summer of their middle school was filled with love, much to Astumu’s chagrin.

But one thing never changed and it was volleyball- the sport they fell in love with, always with the three of them together.

Atsumu had once admitted to him that they were his two favorite persons, made him swear not to tell his younger brother next, and that they were monsters who could dance to the tune of his tosses. The rest were scrubs.

They were compatible in so many ways that they couldn’t imagine playing, let alone live, without the other. 

But on the twin’s last year in Yako, they have left Hinata alone in the junior team and gave him a taste of independence. For once he wasn’t a set with the troublesome trio, but a short and crazy middle-blocker. A tangerine gremlin with incredible speed and high verticals that could make up for his sloppy receives and serves.

Surprisingly he wasn’t lonely, even when the twins were away for training camp on the summer they had originally planned to spend together. Instead, Hinata went off to Miyagi in lieu of visiting his grandmother when he saw an old video play by the TV store. It was an outdated volleyball match of Karasuno High School from so many years ago, a clip that showed everything he aspired to be- the small giant. 

It was then that Hinata decided where to go for his high school.

_“I thought you’d be happy for me.”_

His stomach hurts and empties its content in a single hurl. It felt like an eternity in the restroom. Normally he would’ve taken his medications to stop the onslaught of the memory lane but this time he didn’t.

He doesn't know if he should regret it or feel relieved.

Hinata doesn’t hear the sounds of concerns with his head on the toilet or the footsteps that approached his cubicle.

“Hinata?”

He opens his cubicle door and felt a pang of disappointment to see his boyfriend. He was ashamed for expecting someone else.

“Kageyama, you moron! Get back in there-

His boyfriend easily pushes him back into the cubicle and locks it before wrapping his arms around Hinata’s waist. Their height difference had always been an endearment to him but moments like these made the assistant coach appreciate it. “We won the second set. Sugawara-senpai’s covering for me.”

Hinata sniffs and lets the warmth engulf him, even though he felt the sweat that disgustingly clung unto Kageyama’s jersey. “I’m fine, just feeling under the weather is all.”

But he was a terrible liar, and it showed.

“Miya Osamu.”

“What-?”

“You knew him.” It wasn’t a question. “… And I knew that.”

Hinata pulls away from him, horrified at the revelation. “How?” he never kept any secrets from boyfriend- was open with his past injuries and such but they had never discussed the younger Miya. Not even after their first, fateful encounter. Not that it was anything to hide for he wasn’t cheating on Kageyama and his exhausting, jealous crusades.

But he should’ve known that Miya Atsumu, who also happened to be at Youth Camp with Kageyama, would’ve said something. Did he tell Kageyama to back off? Threatened him? Or simply asked how Hinata was doing.

If so… why didn’t his boyfriend say anything too? 

Hinata wonders aloud that Kageyama bought him closer to his chest once more in reassurance. “… Do you remember that time you bought a lot of onigiris? Then you made me eat it all, shoving them in my mouth and demanding to guess what flavor was used?”

“What does that have to do with this?” It wasn’t the place or the appropriate situation to reminisce but both softly laughed at the memory.

Hinata had always been a spontaneous little thing, unashamed to shower his boyfriend with love and a generous amount of food that Kageyama had to work his butt off twice as hard to lose the excess calories he would gain from it.

Currently, both were high off their feelings, still in the middle of the game and overwhelmed by Hinata’s sudden sickness, yet Kageyama- who lived and breathe volleyball, was taking all the time they needed to calm him down.

Hinata truly doesn’t deserve him.

“Hush. Just listen. At that time when you kept forcing me to eat, you sort-of slipped. Absent-mindedly telling me that we use to play this game a lot and that onigiris were my favorite.” Jeweled beryl eyes widened in realization. “We both know that’s not true though.”

“I’m sorry I-

“It wasn’t the first time it happened. Wasn’t the last either. There were occasions where you criticized my sets- that I used to toss higher or scold me for when I was chewing Tsukishima out. To stop calling him a scrub when I don’t even.”

A scrub. Kageyama was indeed a tyrant in the court in his own little ways that he could make his fellow players feel like they were peasants beneath him, but he had never said it aloud. Let alone call them a scrub.

“It was only then I kinda figured out-

“-don’t say it!”

“that you-

“Tobio!”

“-were mistaking me for someone else.”

“I love you!” Hinata drops out of his boyfriend’s embrace and on his knees. At this point, the earlier reassurance he had received were nothing but white pain. The migraine from the memory flashes, the vomiting, the stress, and the gnawing guilt eating his entire person away. It wasn’t the time and place, they had an important game to win but they both knew that if they didn’t have this conversation now, then they wouldn't have it later. They would keep whatever semblance of normalcy they have and ignore the problem.

It wasn’t fair to either of them.

“I know, you dumbass. I love you too and I’m yours. All of me is yours!” cobalt eyes were now misty, the lips he used to kiss trembling and the fingers he loved were making half-moons at his precious palms. “But you’re not mine.”

* * *

_“What will it take for you to understand that I love you and only you?”_

_Miya Osamu had once admitted to him that he felt out of place with his inability to measure up to Hinata and Atsumu’s love and passion for volleyball. He felt unneeded even though they had repeatedly assured him that his big brother needed a partner and the ginger-haired boy wanted a lover. That he was the glue that stuck the troublesome trio together, the one who balances their chaotic nature. And Gods help them all if Hinata and Atsumu were left alone to their own devices, probably continuing to run and run until they were both burnt out and filled with resentment for the very sport they claimed to love._

_So he was enough._ _At the same time, he wasn’t._

_Because the horrible truth was Atsumu and Hinata could both be partners and lovers at the same time. They understood each other, spoke the same language and occasionally shared one brain cell. Their very presence shone and demanded the well-deserved attention in court. And it further proved so as Atsumu was surprisingly fine with Hinata leaving everything behind for the sake of fucking volleyball._

_“Then chose.”_

_“… What?”_

_“Stay or leave.” If he stays, they could fix it. If he leaves, then he can’t take Osamu’s heart with him while the older boy returns his. It was an ultimatum- them or volleyball._

_Osamu had always prided himself to be the rational twin, the voice of reason. But at that moment, Hinata reduces his person from a single word spoke with much venom-like bitterness._

_“Yer a coward, Miya Osamu.”_

* * *

Hinata wakes up in cold sweat, gasping for air to alleviate the crushing pain in his chest. He forces himself up, carefully as not to wake their team’s coach and faculty advisor as he slowly makes his way to their adjoined bathroom. Hinata had never been more grateful that he didn’t share the same bedroom with the rest of the team for today was stressful enough as it is; he and his boyfriend broke up in a public restroom, they won against Inarizaki, Hinata remembers everything, and then Kageyama had Miya Osamu on his jersey’s collar during the line-up. 

_“Coward.”_ The setter spat at him before both teams pried them apart. Osamu visibly flinched and for the first time since the game, he couldn’t meet Hinata’s imploring, red-rimmed eyes.

The only silver lining, if considered as such, was not being disqualified for the misconduct. They had advanced to the quarterfinals versus Nekoma and won that set too. Hinata was envious of how Kageyama had managed to pull two wins and a heartbreak in one day without faltering, proving his love for volleyball stronger than for Hinata’s to which the assistant coach didn’t find offense to.

They haven’t spoken since, only exchanging a few words during the briefing. Nothing more, and nothing less. In return, Hinata steeled himself to keep his mind sharp and his heart calm. He owed his now ex-boyfriend that much. But to prepare themselves for the next and final game, he had to clear his head.

With the stealth of a small, red fox and the floor plan committed in his memory, Hinata successfully sneaks out of the hotel.

Normally he would’ve texted Kageyama to do so with him as they have done so many times before, but sternly reminded himself not to. The entire team has yet to know and frankly, neither had to energy to explain why one moment the couple were okay and the next it was over. 

Blinking the tears away, Hinata started to run. Just like he did with most of his problems.

* * *

_“You did this! If it wasn’t for you, then he would’ve never needed to sneak out that night!”_

_It was his mother’s voice, muddled by a few others in a desperate attempt to calm her down. Hinata, in his injured state, wobbled unto his door frame to make out the screams that woke him in the first place._

_He didn’t know why he was at the hospital, why his left knee was fucked up and his head bandaged like a cushion._

_“Please let me see him! Just this once I need to-_

_Who?_

_Who wanted to see him?_

_Hinata tried to claw the knob open, wondering why it was locked from the outside and not cooperating with his fingers when it hit him off of a sudden- a basketful of rice balls neatly packed into his bike, humming a cheerful tone in the middle of the night, the crossroads then a blinding light._

_A crash._

_Glass shards. Food wasted on the floor. Blood splatters and the painful ringing in his ears._

_His last thoughts were of inky black hair, blue gray eyes, and a lazy smirk. His last thoughts were of ~~Miya Osamu.~~_

_Hinata screams, unable to pronounce his name._

* * *

Hinata runs.

_“W-who are you?”_

_Blue gray eyes, dark-rimmed and red from exhaustion widened in horror. “Y-ya don’t remember me?”_

Hinata runs fast.

_“Ya shouldn’t be here until dark.”_

_He grinned at the older boy who found him. “I was waiting for the inari-fox to take me home!”_

_“… They’re not real.”_

_“Of course they are!” Hinata has always been fascinated by the tale of the good fox. Albeit a mischievous prankster, would come to any child in need. Granted that they believed in it with all their hearts of course._

_“Ya can’t always rely on the gods to save ya whenever there’s trouble. Ya gotta stand up for yourself than wait around for help.” Osamu offers his hand to hoist him up, not letting go as they walk through the field with only a lamp against the darkness._

_“Silly ‘Samu-chan. I mean, yer here aren’t ya?”_

_Osamu blushed._

Hinata runs faster.

_Fireworks. It was their middle school cultural festival and Atsumu had locked them in an empty classroom, vowing to only let them out if they fix their quote, disgusting and pitiful pinning for one another._

_“Tsumu’s a better match for ya.” Says Osamu, his eyes misty and clouded with so much doubt that made Hinata’s heart ache and fingers itch to wipe the tears away._

_“Why would I want better, when I have the best?” His bold steps contrasted the erratic beating of his heart as Hinata closes the distance between them. Their lips meet halfway._

Hinata runs and runs, legs burning and his eyes misty.

_“Kombu simmered in soy sauce.”_

_Hinata hastily pries the half-eaten onigiri out of his boyfriend’s hands and replaces it with a new one. “And this?”_

_Osamu chuckles at his antics but obeyed nonetheless, carefully opening its wrapper before taking a generous bite out of the rice ball. He hums while Hinata waits in shaking anticipation._

_“… this one’s easy. Pickled plum.”_

_Hinata gapes in astonishment while Osamu finishes the snack before it is taken away from him._

_“How… just how?”_

_Osamu removes the blindfold to meet his boyfriend’s eyes. The last time he had let the piece of article stay too long resulted in a chaotic misunderstanding on Atsumu walking in on them._ _It was a comical scene filled with accusations that the older twin claimed he didn’t know them anymore and they were too young to be that kinky- and well, it would’ve been more hilarious if Atsumu hadn’t messed up his sets afterward, claiming it was their fault he couldn’t look them in the eye anymore._

_“The taste of somethin’ good ain’t something I could easily forget, Shouyou-kun.”_

_"I could think of something that tastes better.”_

_Osamu sputtered and Hinata laughs. They turn to look at each before their lips meet halfway, slow and languid yet breathtaking all the same._

_“... Torigomoku.”_

_“Oh, come on!”_

Hinata feels his lungs burn and his left knee ache but found himself unable to stop running- as if stopping wasn’t an option but a dangerous reset button that will trigger all his repressed memories. It didn’t make sense because wasn’t he punished enough for today? Each memory, no matter how happy it was, had white pain and guilt that followed. He had hurt the Miya Twins, his mother, and Kageyama Tobio.

He didn’t mind his surrounding; opting to let his legs take him wherever it could with the repercussions shoved at the back of his mind. The road was becoming darker and the other forms of noise deafening that all he could make out were the sunflowers just across him.

Hinata runs towards it when -

“WATCH OUT!”

* * *

_Osamu was thirteen, one of the first year Inarizaki students who made it to the first string of their volleyball team. The school was an elite establishment with renowned, powerhouse sports clubs which further proved that the Miya Twins had accomplished a milestone._

_Even though Atsumu was at a higher caliber, they were a good enough pair who dominated the court. The perfect setter-wing spiker pair. What the rest of the team didn’t know, or what the twins were excited to introduce, was the other member who has yet to step foot onto their court._

_Their monster middle blocker- Hinata Shouyou. Together, they were dubbed the troublesome trio, no matter how distasteful the name was._

_But Hinata never made it. Didn’t plan to anyway._

_For Hinata was only twelve and wanted to go to a fallen and forgotten team instead. In Miyagi. At Karasuno High._

_Their first year apart was already difficult enough but at least they were in the same prefecture and neighborhood. But thirteen hours apart with little to no chances of meeting on and off the court, Osamu loses it._

_“Are ya truly happy? Leaving me, leaving us for this ridiculous choice of yours to prove something so insignificant that ya seem to hold higher than our-?!”_

_Hinata slaps him across the face, his heart hurting more than the sting of his palm. He chokes his sobs down; the gentle afternoon wind carries their voice and echoes throughout the green expanse._

_“… I guess you are.”_

_They were at the sunflower field again, no annoying older twin brother or hopes of an inari-fox to solve their problem._

* * *

“… Mind telling me why yer out in the middle of the night?”

Osamu had found him again, managed to pull him out of his stupor and save him from a vehicle speeding in his direction.

Hinata curses his recklessness. He had just recovered from an injury roughly a year and a half ago and he was diving into the next one already.

“I was out on a run.”

A cold drink, marmalade soda, was dumped on his lap. But despite the sweet gesture, Hinata knew it was the calm before the storm.

“Alone?” there was a bite behind his tone. “And yer boyfriend didn’t even bother to accompany ya?”

The painful thought of Kageyama burned as their breakup was still fresh on his mind. “That’s none of your business, Miya-san.”

“None of my-?! You could’ve died, Shouyou-kun!” his name slipped out of the older boy’s mouth as if it belonged there. “I knew you were a flight risk but this- have ya learned nothing of the past?”

Hinata abruptly stood up. “Screw you! My boyfriend broke up with me because of my godforsaken past- memories I’ve long forgotten until you showed up!” the soda can rolled inches away from their feet, lying forgotten on the sandy ground of the park with sunflower beds they chose to settle in. “But why now? Why show up now when you’ve disappeared on me at the hospital? At the time I needed you the most.”

“Ya remember.”

“Every. Goddamn. Thing.”

_At the infamous Sunflower Field in Hyogo were childhood friends who stayed out from dusk to dawn in hopes of catching the inari-fox that resided in it. Their innocent love then bloomed over the seasons. But all good things come to an end, even when Hinata tried to reconcile and save their relationship without having the need to compensate for his goals._

_For while Hinata wasn’t good with words, he knew he could get through Osamu with actions._

_He remembered making eleven onigiris that night, each one a different flavor with ingredients that no doubt emptied his poor wallet. They were carefully placed in a basket stocked on the front of his bike as he sneaks away to the Miya Household._

_But he never made it. Not when a drunk driver and his passing truck collided with him. Ironically his last thoughts were of the very person he forgot the next day._

“I’m sorry.”

Hinata scoffs.

“I’m so sorry, Shouyou-kun. I just- how do you live knowing you’ve harmed the person you love? That you took everything away from him- volleyball and-”

“To hell with volleyball! And to hell with ya!” 

He knew he wasn’t being fair but Osamu wasn’t exactly making it any easier for both of them.

“So what if I can’t play anymore? You’ve seen what I can do. I bought Aoba Josai, Shiratorizawa, and even Inarizaki down their knees without touching the ball.” Hinata was never once to gloat or rub his accomplishments on anyone’s face, let alone one produced by team effort but his old self was resurfacing again. Atsumu had always told him to take credit when it’s due. “You, on the other hand, you took our relationship away without even trying-

“Without trying?” Osamu’s laugh was bittersweet and haunting. As if it never belonged to his lips. “Do ya have any idea how it felt like, getting a call in the middle of the night to know yer boyfriend was caught in a hit-and-run by a drunk driver? To see the crime scene with yer bloodied bike and food and-'' he exhales, running a hand through his ashy locks. From there Hinata could see roots of the familiar inky black hair he grew up with. “To see ya in that hospital bed, wakin’ up with little to no recognition of anyone?" Of me was left unsaid. 

“... You could’ve told me. You had plenty of chances to."

“I didn’t want to.”

The way Osamu had bluntly said drove a knife to the assistant coach’s heart. 

“Ya were better off not remembering.” It equated to defeat, to _not remembering me, us, or Hyogo._ Selfish as always when it came to making one-sided decisions, just as selfish when Hinata had once wanted to leave his hometown behind to pursue his dreams by himself. 

Fate was never kind to soulmates who didn’t respect their bond so maybe this was divine punishment. 

“You’re a coward, Miya Osamu.” This time he says it with resignation and a hint of bitterness.

“I know.”

There was silence, and then tears.

“Did you even love me?”

Osamu cried. “I di- no, I still do. I’ve never stopped lovin’ ya.”

It was nearing three in the morning and the absence of daylight was still notable.

“H-how? I’m not the same person anymore.” It was a fact, even if the years they’ve spent together were longer than the agonizing ones apart. “I’ve changed.”

“Yer not the only one.”

Osamu lunges, clashing their lips together with eased practiced. As if it belonged there, a perfect fit that ignited an explosion of fireworks just like that cultural festival from so many years ago. Who knew that a single kiss could sweetly burn the cold ache of longing in Hinata’s heart and dissipate the series of conundrums in his chaotic mind.

But then the older boy immediately pulls away, burned with the realization of what he had done. Hinata however, doesn’t give him the chance to apologize as he threw his hands around Osamu’s neck and pulls him back.

Osamu gasps and Hinata takes the opportunity to deepen it.

This time he doesn’t see raven hair and cobalt eyes but the perfect image of the boy he had subconsciously yearned for. The one he had promised to love so many seasons ago in the expanse of the Sunflower field that hid them away from the world.

Even though Osamu took his lips skillfully, he kissed like a broken lover with desperation whereas Hinata retaliates with reassurance. Long ago it was a series of pecks shared between lunches and if lucky, during a rally when a high five wasn’t enough. Always soft and innocent.

This time Miya Osamu kisses him akin to satisfying his hunger, preying to devour his long lost lover, captive of his own memories, alive. 

And this time Hinata Shouyou kisses back with fervor as if the passion never died with the accident.

Eventually, they pulled apart, breath panting and crisp against the morning chill but bodies flushed with familiar lust. “I still want ya. I’ll always want ya.”

Hinata smiles, knowing he felt the same and this time without guilt. But his mind had overruled his heart once more, telling him to think before he talks. “I don’t know if I can give you the answer you want right now.” He doesn’t miss the pang of disappointment that momentarily flashed across Osamu’s face, nor does he falter to take his words back. “But I’m certain that deep inside, I want you too. So if it’s alright, can we start over?”

“As friends?”

“For now.”

  
Hinata awkwardly extends an arm, expecting a handshake. Inwardly he prepared himself for a rejection or an onslaught of hurtful words because it was beyond illogical to heatedly make out with your lover from the past and ask to be friends first. It was risky, with no guarantees of success but none of the complete failures either. 

Instead, Osamu takes at his hand and laced their fingers together before pulling Hinata’s knuckles dangerously close to his lips. “I didn’t think I’d ever get this chance again, not in this lifetime at least.” He presses one, then two soft kisses as if he was swearing a blood oath compared to a mere promise. They were small gestures that Hinata had been overly familiar with before, not that it mattered anymore be it the past of present.

Because Miya Osamu still loved him all the same.

“I’d be happy to.”

And if given enough time, Hinata Shouyou would return his feelings again.

**Author's Note:**

> So I know I still owe one chapter for A Basketful of Love as well as some fics I've announced but I'm really sorry. Losing the drafts was hard and it made me lose interest in continuing them. Rewriting it was more taxing than proofreading it seems. Nevertheless, I am grateful for all the comments, reads, and kudos. Hopefully, after the end of my semester (dec.5) I'll be able to get back on them. For now, stay tuned!


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